oops. i guess i actually had a few good days there. im going to miss that. i can already feel the normal slipping away, old habits gnawing back up my legs, trying to burrow themselves in the crevices of my broken innards. when i said good days, i just mean i actually felt ok. nothing was really different. still binging, still throwing up my dinner in the shower, the sounds masked by the water, bathroom fan, and my too loud music. wasn't restricting, but thats because i felt "in control" at the time, until it all came crashing down each night. shit... i don't think i'm going to be able to sleep tonight. once again. i just can't wait until the sun comes up, until it's appropriate to go home and escape my friends house so that i can work myself to nearly passing out tomorrow. yay. fml. i don't know what to think, what to do right now.
I'm sinking again.
Xx - H
the night is a peak of darkness, and broken colour. let the light come, hold you, and make your butterfly heart flutter once again.
ReplyDeleteyou will go through this misery, find the light at the end of the hellfire, and rise up with high, beautiful desire.
don't be so hard on yourself, darling. if you sink, we will make sure you won't and if you drown, we'll be here to save you, and take you back where you can [breathe]. that's what to do. save you, keep you true, in a shade of promise and cold-swept blue. <3
-Sam Lupin