Back On Track :)

So, I haven’t posted since Sunday. Bad me. Besides that, I've been doing really well if I do say so myself. Well on food at least, not so much on exercise. Give me another day or two and ill be back on the treadmill each day.

Food wise, I’m in control for once I feel. Sunday my calculations were pretty close. Total of about 700. Monday was about the same. Ended up almost fasting since I passed out the minute I got home from studying at the library, but then when I woke up a few hours later, I thought I should eat something, but got a bit out of hand. It could’ve been so much more, so I’m just going to accept what happened…

Yesterday I planed on having a snack when I got home, maybe some chex mix or something like that, about 2-300 calories or so, and I did have that, but then on top of that was basically force-fed dinner. Blehh. Ended up purging a lot though, as much as I could, and did yet another sea salt water cleanse. (These are my new best friends. I’ve pretty much convinced my mom I can’t really eat at the moment, since my stomach gets so upset each time I do… Hah) so I'm not sure how much I actually kept inside me, but it was pretty low, I'm almost positive…

Today went really well too… all I’ve eaten is about a tablespoon or strawberry jelly. I was so tempted to eat, but I refrained. I just had the jelly to see if it would get rid of my hunger headache I’ve had all day. It helped a bit, but next time ill just take some pain pills. Jelly for dinner, and i had a few sips of chocolate milk at lunch, because after I told friends that I haven't had much to eat in the past few days, they were pushing me to eat... Note to self, be careful what you say to certain people -.-

As for weight… I finally lost! Yay, happy dance. Dropped to 144 (two pounds!! (: ) after my almost fast Monday… not exactly sure how it happened since I ended up binging instead of fasting… I’m pretty sure I’ve lost since then too, but haven’t been able to weigh… I need batteries for the Wii fit. That way I can weigh without sneaking into my moms room, worrying or getting caught weighing myself constantly. It’s not weird if it’s a videogame. Plus, I actually like doing the stair step while watching TV… extra workout.

Last but not least… I can already tell that I’m losing some of the gained inches again. Yay! My thighs and calves are each down ≥ ½inch, and my waist, hips and bust down closer to ¾ - 1 inch.

Feels great to be back on track.

Night,

Xx - H

Failure

Three words. Epic Fucking Fail. That’s all I can say… about tonight, about me. William, I just read your comment, and I feel like I failed you as well. Three binge days in a row… I wish I could say that this is the worst, but I’ve had worse periods…

Can’t even purge, because I already finished my shower, can’t take another, and I cant make myself purge into the toilet. It’s just impossible. I don’t know why, but I just can’t do it. If only they were asleep, I would do it in the kitchen sink, but that’s not an option either.

Doing another one of my sea salt cleanses, and I can feel it working right now… give it another 10 minutes max and I’ll be on the toilet again… oh joy. Better than allowing this food sit inside me. I think once I feel emptied out from the first glass of my “magic water” I’ll force down another one. Just to make sure, just to be safe. I don’t think I’ll be able to sleep tonight…

Just added everything up… my totals for today is about 600-700 calories. Not bad, I guess. Just seems so horrible since I was actually having a good day for once. Ugh. Not sure if I’m going to fast tomorrow, or just start ABC diet. Not my cheaters version, but the real one… we’ll see I guess. I think this is my last post for the night, but that might change… if not,

Night-night

Xx – H

P.s. is this too much writing? Should I compress my day into just one post? Its just easier for my to write what I’m thinking when I’m thinking it…

Tictacs

Just got back from the store. Stupid me bought tic-tacs. Stupid me put them in my pocket instead of the bag. Stupid me opened the container. Stupid me shook out a tic-tac and ate it. Fast-forward, they’re all gone, and now my stomach hurts. Blehh. Now I have 114 calories inside me. I was doing good too.

On the bright side, I got hair dye, and I’m going to dye it tonight. Fun fun. I’ll probably do it just before dinner is done so I’ll have an excuse not to eat. Mom didn’t really buy the whole still not feeling good bit.

I'm starting to cramp, and I know what that means… it seems I’m in a cycle. I get super motivated right before my period, and then all hope ceases to exist once I start -.- I hope I don’t let that happen this time, but I feel as if I can stay on track this time. I will workout, at least a bit every day, and I will not eat everything in sight.

I think I’ll have my monster now, so it will be kicked in by the time I start my hair, which will probably be in about half an hour. And I think ill save my mints for tomorrow since I already ate the tic-tacs. Ill save them for lunch tomorrow… Dinner for today will consist of probably about a quart of green tea, if I have enough teabags left… I hope so.

Workout, Weight&&Measures

So… didn’t really warm up, I just walked to the convenient store a block and a halfish away, and bought myself a monster and some altoids smalls. My two favorite things… >30 calories for both. That’s probably my dinner if I can last that long. ^^

I only burned about 200 calories… last night made me weak. I plan on doing jumping jacks and sit-ups throughout the day though, make some of it up, along with some yoga later maybe.

Still haven’t had the chance to weigh, but I didn’t sweat all that much working out, and I’ve only had a few sips of water so far, so I should be able to get a pretty accurate weight when I do get the chance.

Also, if I make it to dinner without eating, I might just do another salt water cleanse again… make sure I’m totally cleared out. I’d already be about 24 hours into my fast, so I could just keep going tomorrow, maybe do a 3-day one.

20 mins later…

Finally got the chance to weigh… either I was higher than I thought yesterday, or I just didn’t lose. I hope it’s the first one, because if I suffered like that and just stayed the same, well that would majorly suck.

Plans for today:

≥500 jumping jacks

≥200 sit ups

≥20 minutes yoga (Maybe)

Probably going to have my monster and altoids for dinner as I said, and lots of green tea today, and if I have sugar in it, only about a tsp per cup… As I said, mom is making dinner, but I’m only going to eat if I absolutely have to, like if my mom makes me… and even then it will probably be a bowl of broccoli maybe 40 calories. Anyway, I’d still be in the negatives baby! (:

OHOHOH, almost forgot, measures! Only going to do the basic ones so I don’t have a huge list -.-

Bust – 34.5in.

Waist – 27.25in.

Hip – 38in.

Thigh – 23.5L 23R in.

Calf – 14.75L 15R in.

Sigh. I’m such a fat fuck, but I’m working on that, right?

Wish me luck in avoiding the dreaded pot roast tonight!

Xx - H

Running on Empty

So, I cant weigh myself yet, which sucks some major points from today already -.- I mean, I probably could, but the scales in my moms bathroom, and the doors closed for some reason… it probably smells like a couple zombies are rotting or something. I don’t want to wake my mom up, or die from the fumes, so I guess ill have to either have to wait to eat or drink anything and wait to workout, or I can just go workout now, and try to get an accurate weigh in later/tomorrow. I’m really in the mood to workout, jumpstart my day, and I’m not to super worried about my weight since, well last night. So I guess I’ll put the scale second this time, which while I’m not worried per say about what I weigh, I still want to know it… I can’t win, oh well.

So, now a plan… I’ve yet to do measurements, so that’s defiantly next. Ill post them later tonight or tomorrow if I don get the chance. Then I think I’ll warm-up here at home, stretch, do some jumping jacks, maybe 100 or so sit-ups… I think I’m going to try to run about a mile outside, about 3 times around my apartment complex block, if its not too too cold. It’s about 57 right now, but I get cold so easy. I’ll wear a sweater. Them run maybe another mile on the treadmill, and do some walking on an incline. I’ll top it all off with a ride on the stationary bike.

This all sounds good for me, so I’m going to measure, then go get it done. Hopefully I burn some major calories, and can get through this alive.

Xx - H

Green Tea, Salt Water&&Ickyness

So, once I finished my shower, I got dressed and whatnot, then didn't do much. I emptied myself out pretty good though, at least I hope so... pasta tasted a bit better going down, but I really wasn't paying attention to flavor. I had to force the last few bites down, and once I did, my stomach was screaming at me. I gulped down a bunch of water, and got it over with. My throat hurt afterwards, but not as bad as yesterday. It feels fine now.

After lying around a bit and being lazy, I decided to have some tea before my stomach started wanting food again, and also remembered a little tip/trick thingy I read somewhere. If you mix sea salt with warm water, you get something that works like a laxative, and since I used the rest of my moms last month (she’s going to be mad when she realizes I used them. oh well.) I heated up about 1 1/2 cups of water and added about a tablespoon of sea salt. I’m warning you, if you do this, its nasty. I had to force myself to drink it all, and gagged and almost threw up with each sip. I guess it was worth it though, because I’m writing this from the toilet (tmi?) because every time I go to lie down and get comfy, I just have to get right back up.

I’m trying to keep myself hydrated, but I don’t think it’s working, because I've been shitting nothing but liquid for the past hour or so... I’m leaning toward the "this is good side" rather than the opposite because this allows me a clean start tomorrow, ill be all clean inside, and more than likely ill lose a pound or two, even if its just water weight.

Did around <500 jumping jacks, and I've done 150 sit-ups so far plus 2 30 second plank things... I want to do maybe 50 more sit-ups and 2 more sets of planks, along with some more stretching (I've been watching YouTube videos of yoga/stretches all day, and seeing what I can do... I'm already pretty flexible, but want to be more so ^^)

Also, instead of starting my modified ABC diet tomorrow, I think I might just fast if I can. I've yet to go an entire day without eating, and its because I either last the day, and either give in to parents or my rumbling stomach, or I eat something early, then slightly to late realize I shouldn't have eaten at all. The fast might not work, since mom is cooking a big diner tomorrow, but I should be able to convince her I'm still sick... if I don’t think ill be able to, ill probably have some egg whites for breakfast with a small bowl of oatmeal, celery and a half serving of vegan chili I have left in the fridge for lunch, and a bowl of steamed broccoli with soy sauce and a few radishes for dinner. Then workout for about 30-45 minutes if I’m not too tired... Planed intake - >400 If I workout - >100ish

Oh, and I cant forget to do measurements in the morning... ill probably post weight and measures first thing tomorrow, or whenever I get the chance.

Yawn... I think I’m going to go to sleep... If I ever get off this toilet ://  ... Night everyone

Xx H

2nd day in a row...

So as im typing this I have a giant bowl of artificially orange dyed pasta in my lap. Once im done, off to the shower to wash up and throw up. 2^nd binge day in a row, and  as usual, I cant stand myself.

But I still have hope. The reason im eating the pasta is because I figured I might as well. The day started off great, but I threw it down the drain shortly after my early dinner with bread and peanut butter. I’m starting all over again tomorrow. Sunday is supposed to be the start of a new week, and this Sunday im restarting my life.

I vow to workout, and I think I’m going to start the ABC diet, though it will be kind of hard to avoid food on the weekends now since my mom’s schedule has changed. What I think I might do is modify the diet a bit, combining days 1 and 2, 3 and 4 and so on, and just try to work out everyday as well. That way, no fast days unless I decide to do it on my own and can, and im pretty still pretty sure none of the numbers would add up to 1000, except for the day…

Im also thinking about posting pictures for a before image, since im about up to my starting this blog weight. Did I forget to mention that? 146ish this morning, and that’s on the low side of my guess since I had already ate breakfast when I weighed. I can tell ive gained too, because my goal clothes I was so excited to finally wear now fit super snugly if at all now.

Didn’t do measurements today either, but ill do them tomorrow since im starting anew. Might even make Sundays measurement days from now on…

Well, almost done with my pasta. Going to finnish, and then you know what else…

P.S. going to do a few hundred jumpingjacks and situps later, probably. Just so I hopefully don’t gain anymore than I have…

Xx- H