Can you count my bones yet?: I suck at this...

Thursday, October 20, 2011

I suck at this...

I say im back, then dont post... sigh. i've actually typed a post, just didnt put it up... as i said, i suck... i dont have much news, so ill just post my pre typed one, and promise to post again atleast once this weekend if i get the chance. (:

10/14/11 10:02 PM

So today didn’t start off that great. I didn’t eat breakfast, but that’s not mew to me… had a few pieces of candy at school before lunch. Lunch is where it starts to go downhill. I got a salad like I usually do, but when a friend offered me a poptart, I didn’t decline as I should have. Since I “forgot” my cookie in line, she gave me half of hers too. I ate it. Blahh…

Then to make matters worse, when I got home I started eating my moms chips, then had two bowls of icecream and a sandwhich with meat on it… I don’t even like meat anymore… I don’t know what was wrong with me. And after pigging out on all this, I fell asleep on the couch, and let it all slowly work through my system, turning to fat.

But on the Brightside, I’m ending the day well, trying to turn it around so I can get back on track. For dinner I had a little less that 1/3 cup of oatmeal, and I’ve already done 500 jumping jacks so I can atleast burn off some of the crap I shoveled into my mouth today. I’m aiming at 1000 a day, plus a few hundred situps and maybe 25 pushups, more of everything as I get stronger J

Going to try to wake up early tomorrow, even though its Saturday, and work out first thing… and hopefully I can sneak out with out mom noticing so I can work out again in the evening… I’m just so excited to actually be back on track… I have such a long way to go.

Mom gets paid tomorrow, so hopefully I can restock on my safe food so I don’t have to eat the same crap as everyone else in this house. The one thing I miss not being able to have is hotsauce… I used so much of that. Its good on almost anything, and if you drink a tablespoon or two of it, you get major flavor, and you wont want anything except for water until your mouth cools… plus zero calories… all good in my book.

Going to go finnish my bedroom workout as im going to start calling it, then write my grocery list and get some sleep… Night!(:

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Please Read

I just thought I’d say this. This blog is more or less my journal that I’ve decided to post on the Internet. Its contents are really just a composition of my thoughts and feelings. It’s almost exactly what I would write in my pen and paper journal that I keep hidden in between my mattress and the box spring. Only you are reading it. I don’t trust the real world or anyone else to confide in, so I chose the anonymous world of the Internet. I feel I can write my thoughts down, and post them somewhere that someone with a like mind, or like thoughts, might just stumble upon them. If you post a comment, I will try to get back to you, because that little bit of connection means the world to me. When you go through the day with thoughts in your head that you know if you spoke them aloud, they would think you to be crazy, and lock you up in a mental hospitable on the spot, its torture. But if you’re taking the time to read this, then you probably know the feeling, more or less. You know what it feels like to constantly wish you were someone else, someone you could like, itching to get out of the shell you call a body. You probably know what it’s like to live in a world where you feel you’ll never be good enough, you’ll never account to anything. And that’s why I’m writing this. I need that connection to get me through the day. If you feel the same, I hope you’ll read my twisted thoughts. Leave a comment. Follow this blog. Anything… just help me through the day… if you do, I’ll try my hardest to help you through yours.

Xx H.